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21September2019

Intimacy4us

In with the TV, out with the sexy?

Does Super sport get preference over supersex in your bedroom? You have a problem, lady! Television in the bedroom is allowed, but then you must keep to the rules…

There is an advert break and just before the advert about the dog with the human mouth, you get hubby’s attention with your new satin number. You crawl on all fours with your winter throw closer and smile all friendly. He smiles back with a twinkle in his eye, but the next moment you feel a bump on the shoulder, your face hits the pillows and hubby shouts:  “Yes!” For a moment you wonder what grabbed his attention and then you hear the sports commentators’ voice, and you know you are in the heat of the game and you are removed with enthusiasm out of his line of sight! And that through a repeat!

A death blow for your sex life!

A study by an Italian sexologist found that couples who have a television in their bedroom had half the amount of sex of those who didn’t. “When there wasn’t a television in the bedroom, the amount of regular sex doubled,” says Serenella Salomoni, whose team of sexologists questioned 523 Italian couples to understand the effect that television had on their sex lives.

Italians without television in their bedrooms had sex twice a week (or 8 times a month). Those with a television in their bedroom had to be satisfied with an average of 4 times a month, was found in the study. The effect is even more dramatic in older couples! Fifty plussers have sex an average of 7 times per month, but those who have a television in the bedroom have sex only 1.5 times a month! There was also found that films with violence was a passion killer for half of those couples and that reality programmes increase passion for a third of couples.

How does the television worm its way in?

It does not just go about the television programmes that get preference above other activities, explains experts, but also the quality of your sleep. Television cuts people off, and when your brain gets switched off it gets difficult to connect with someone else.

So, if people know this, why is a television set still so popular? Experts explain that it’s because the white noise from the television helps people to fall asleep, and because it’s relaxing, educational and entertaining, it helps people to switch off after a long day.

Many people like to start their day with the television news and a television in the room gives people a place to escape to, away from the children. For couples where one partner is ill, it’s a good option (they can anyway not have fun in bed!) and sometimes peoples taste in viewing differs so much that a second television removes a huge amount of conflict in the relationship!

Can a television in the bedroom be good in anyway?

Does a television in the bedroom have any benefits for your marriage? Yes, explains Debbie Magids, writer of “Keeping a TV in the Bedroom: Bad Idea?” “Television can improve a relationship”, she explains. “Couples have bonded through favourite television programs that they watch together every evening or every week – it does not matter what they watch! It also creates an opportunity for a couple to crawl into bed and to decide to spend alone time together: The telephone doesn’t get answered and the e-mails build up in the room next door…

The key is that televisions in the bedroom is a personal choice, but try to be honest with yourself. If your television is a source of entertainment for you alone, go ahead and wean yourself off it. If the television aids in you ignoring issues in your life, switch it off immediately.”

Also Dr. Pam, writer of “TV in the bedroom?” explains that the television will only influence your intimacy if you allow it, and the writer explains that every intelligent couple will make their bedroom a sensual love zone that reflects the nature of their relationship.

So make it work!

So now you have a dilemma. Hubby is used to the television (and to tell the truth, it’s also nice for you to fall asleep after a good chick flick with hubby next to you…) so how do you make the television work in the bedroom?

·         Ensure that the decision to have the television in the bedroom is both of yours.

·         Keep the volume soft, or wear headphones if the noise bothers you.

·         Don’t watch violent or scary movies before bedtime.

·         Put the television in a cabinet with doors so that you can close it when you are not watching.

·         If space permits, put couches in your bedroom for watching television so that the bed is for sex and sleep only.

·         Put on a timer so that after an hour or two the television will switch off automatically.

·         Consider buying a “fireplace” CD for romantic evenings.

·         Watch a romantic movie every now and again.

And, if you really want to surprise hubby, record yourself with a video camera where you do a cute strip dance on the table (rhythmical music and all!), write Rugby final on the DVD and watch his face when he presses the play button… he will be yours and yours alone after that!

Additional sources: www.marriage.about.com; www.health.am; www.glamour.com; www.intimatemedicine.com; www.intimatemedicine.ca