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18October2019

Intimacy4us

A circus in your bedroom!

You don’t need to be a natural joker or even have to wear a clown costume to brighten things up in the bedroom. Just take a look at INTIMACY’s humorous bedroom sex tips.

Suspenders
Pyjamas are for sissies. If you, like most of us, sleep in your underpants, wear a pair of suspenders with your underpants to bed. Nobody knows why, but women find it hysterically funny. The trick is to put up a front and pretend that you have no idea what she is laughing about. You have lost some weight and as a result, your underpants want to keep falling off, so now you’re wearing suspenders. What’s so funny about that?

Strip
You have once again left a wet towel on the bedroom floor and it doesn’t look like you will be able to get rid of the sour look on her face. Do the following: Take your CD player to the bedroom. Announce to your wife that you are going to do a stripshow and then play the appropriate music – boere music works well – and slowly and provocatively get rid of your clothes while swaying your hips to the beat of the music. When you have gotten rid of the last item of clothing, a huge surprise awaits her: A ginormous pink ribbon that you have tied around your “Family Jewels”. Dare her to untie her “gift’s” ribbon herself. If it doesn’t make her laugh, she needs therapy!

Sing!
When you make love again, wait until just before climaxing and then sing the national anthem – wholeheartedly. Or imitate a racing car that drives full speed ahead towards the finishing line. Or roar like a lion. Your wife won’t know what’s going on with you, but that’s the idea: Women always laugh when they feel confused.

Fall and crawl
To read her a moving love poem in a false voice tone can also work. Or “accidentally fall” off the bed making a huge noise. Scream like a high-school girl at a Justin Bieber concert. Pretend to get angry at your laughing wife’s complete lack of sympathy and leopard crawl stark naked across the bedroom floor and all the way down the hall to find your own pain pills. Crawl all the way back and climb moaning and with great effort back onto the bed. Announce that your back isn’t as sore as you thought and that she is welcome to pay for laughing by having kinky sex.

Bath
A bathroom is the ideal spot for foreplay. Wash her ears with your big toes, see how long you can stand on your hands with your head under the water, play “diving boat” by letting your erection rise up out of the water like a periscope, dive in head first under the water to see if the bath plug is still in place. Laughing is a powerful sex stimulant and you may just grab hold of each other right there and then on the bathroom floor.

Tickle-tickle
If nothing else wants to work, dive in under the sheets and tickle her sensitive spots. Until she has to gasp for air. Or, immediately after sex, press your ear against her tummy because you want to “hear how baby is growing”. If you are blessed with a women that already giggles at everything and never gets angry, it can be fun to purposely anger her. Insist that you pay her for sex and highlight that it is only worth about R10, and nothing more than R15. It works like a bomb!