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16December2017

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Your action plan: 21 Days to better sex!


Who of us can say that our sex-lives are perfect? Most couples’ bedrooms experience a draught every now and again, and sometimes we just don’t know where the watering can is . . . Here is your action plan. It will only take 21 days of commitment to get your sex-life back on track.

Day 1: Explain your views on sex:
"I believe that sex was created to physically feel wonderful, and that I'm supposed to have a sex drive too. I believe that sex was created so that I can feel loved and to feel one with my spouse."

Day 2: Rename yourself as a sexual being.
Have sex with your spouse and allow it to make you feel good! Sex is a benefit, not an obligation!

Day 3: Keep the bedside lamp on.
A large part of sex is visual stimulation (especially for hubby!). Get comfortable with seeing each other's bodies in the light and to look into each other’s eyes during sex – it will enhance intimacy radically!

Day 4: Get rid of all your preconceived ideas.
What have the media sold you through all these years? Enjoy sex with the body that you have, don’t wait for the body you desire. Choose five parts of your body today that you like and ask your partner to give a little extra attention to these parts/areas.

Day 5: Rediscover the wonderful kiss.
Set the timer and kiss for at least 15 seconds in one go. Repeat this every day, during the day and you’ll start to feel how this will help you feel closer to your spouse . . .

Day 6: Enjoy your spouse’s touch.
Ask your partner to spend fifteen minutes just exploring your body . . . without attempting to make you orgasm. This is just to focus on foreplay, no sex yet. After that, it’s your turn to do the exploring.

Day 7: Don’t shoot for the finish line.
See this as a journey and not just a destination. Don’t put pressure on yourself, but remain open minded, positive and work on an “I’ll try everything at least once” attitude.

Day 8: Prepare yourself for sex.
Shave, even if it is during the winter, and you walk around in sweatpants the whole day. Read a book, eat some strawberries . . . Try to get yourself in the mood.

Day 9: Get a trigger that will help both of you to think about sex.
Like when the lightning strikes, or when you’re both brushing teeth at night before going to bed . . . you’ll both smile and only the two of you will know the reason why.

Day 10: Flirt with your spouse.
Ask your spouse to pick out your underwear/lingerie for the day, and send naughty sms’ to him/her during the day and whisper naughty little things in his/her ears. Try to make this a part of your daily routine!

Day 11: Appreciate your spouse’s body.
Name five things about your spouse that you find sexy. It can be his/her voice, or job. As long as it includes something physical.  

Day 12: Pray for your sex-life with your spouse.
Pray that God will reveal to you what your spouse’s thoughts are regarding sex and that the He will help you to forget about the lies about sex that you started to believe, which were told to you by the media and others throughout your life.

Day 13: Initiate sex with your spouse even when you’re really not in the mood.
If you wait for the mood to strike, it might take forever . . . so make the decision to have fun and pour your heart and soul into it and you’ll see how your body responds.

Day 14: Be actively involved during ‘the deed’!
Sometimes your road to the ‘aha!’-moment require you to slightly tilt/lift your hips, or even to slightly adjust the speed or intensity. It will make a huge difference by being just a little more active during sex with your spouse.

Day 15: Set your boundaries.
Have an open discussion about what you both want to try, what you’re afraid to try, what you’ve already done and what you didn’t like.

Day 16: Take turns.
One night per week your spouse can choose what he/she likes or wants to do. Another night is your night to choose. The rest of the week is ‘normal’ time so both of you win!

Day 17: Quickies are king!
Grab your spouse when he/she least expects it . . . And just do it spontaneously, get the lube and let yourself go in the moment!

Day 18: Make a commitment.
If you have kids, sex is usually a very rare luxury. But it is something your marriage needs, so plan and devise naughty ways together to make time for sex.

Day 19: Create anticipation.
Tell each other during the day what is on the menu for tonight . . . So when you’re finally in each other’s arms it should be an explosion!

Day 20: Make a bedroom rule.
No position may be repeated during the week. This way you’ll keep things interesting and exciting!

Day 21: Create a sex-ritual.
For example, decide to have sex every New Year’s morning/eve. Or perhaps, have sex each time your favourite rugby team wins, or every time it rains.

Additional sources: www.ivillage.com; www.tolovehonourandvacuum.com