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20October2017

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Fall in love again - Part 1

Falling in love is as easy as falling out of a tree. To love each other forever and always takes a bit more grit and perseverance. Sometimes it seems to be impossible . . .

In part one and two of the DVD series Staying in Love, by the popular minister and speaker Andy Stanley, he talks about needing a plan (make love a verb) to stay in love with your partner and that you have to use God’s love for yourself as an example of loving without conditions. In part three the focus is on feelings. Where do all the feelings come from that is stirred up by your spouse’s words and deeds.

From head-over-heels to hate
Here is a conundrum for everyone that is in love, has ever been in love and still wants to be in love. How is it possible that two people can stand in front of an alter and promise that they will love each other forever, that the person in front of them is the ‘only one’ for them until death do them part and then five or ten years down the line they hate each other? In truth, they hate each other more than they hate anyone else on earth. It’s just strange. The person you gave your deepest promise to is now the person you despise the most. There isn’t even a good thing you can say about each other. When you think about your ex-husband or –wife there are all these feelings of rage that builds up inside of you.

Why is it that when you meet two people that are getting divorced they say they say that they simply do not love each other anymore? And when you question them a bit and say: “I bet in a year or so you will fall in love with someone again. Don’t you think you will fall in love and get married again?” What is their answer? Some will initially say no. Others will reply: “Yes, I am open to the idea.” And then you say exactly the same thing to the spouse. They might admit: “Well yes, after some time has passed.” Both of them can’t stand the other, but both is open to the possibility of falling in love again with someone else.

Fall in love with each other
Andy jokes that he has a very smart plan. Why do these people not fall in love again with each other? Seeing as it will be quite complicated to get divorced, isn’t it just easier and less expensive to fall in love with each other? Suggest it and the couple will look at you as if you simply do not understand. It isn’t that simple.

In the beginning of the series the question was asked if ‘forever love’ is possible and even if someone said that it is impossible, you would have tried it in any way. Everyone thinks they are candidates for eternal love and believes there is a special person out there, if he or she can just be found. You believe that eternal love is naturally possible, regardless of your past, background, baggage and what you is society. There is something in every person that desires it.

It is not enough to just have fishing buddies. You want the one special person with whom you can face life and enjoy a soul connection. A level of intimacy that reaches farther than anything else. We believe we can find it and that it can last forever.

A broken heart and heavy baggage
It would be easier if we entered into a relationship with a full and healthy heart. If there was just amazing relationships in your past, you would have no baggage. If this was the case al you had to do was put the other one first.

But couple usually don’t enter a relationship with that type of past. We call it baggage. All of us are actually a bit bruised and broken. You mom and dad didn’t go to all you games and maybe your dad didn’t even come home some times. Your mom had her past and maybe there was drugs, alcohol, abuse, money problems, etc. involved. Maybe your younger brother received all the attention and you the golden, but ignored, child. You enter a romantic relationship but your heart isn’t necessarily in a good condition.

To be continued...

Article by Lize Groenewald